Offensive Burials (or Why My Brain Needs To Just Shut Off Already Sometimes)

Now, when I say “offensive”, I don’t mean in the case of….okay. Maybe I kinda do.

But the primary use of this term is NOT offense as in burying people, but offense as in military.

As we know from pop culture, Indian Burial Grounds (TM) are places that, if you disturb them, rile up a ton of pissed off spirits that haunt you and drive you mad. So I made an offhanded remark that they should use the same protective magic on settlements where people LIVE, for defense.

Then got to thinking. You know…. if you built settlements and ringed them with dead ancestors, it would be a decent defensive measure. Any invading force that then built overtop of them, as is possible, would then be driven made by spirits and subsequently kill itself within a few generations.

Or….. for greater measure…..

  1. Bury a bunch of ancestors.
  2. In wartime, dig up said burial grounds into chunks of land.
  3. Hurl said chunks of land at the invaders with catapults. Or, shell their cities with catapults of burial ground.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. This’ll just get the spirits pissed off at you. Well, yeah. But that’s the genius part – the area they haunt? It’s now WHERE THE ENEMY LIVES. So instead you get a bunch of REALLY pissed off hornet swarms of spirits possessing people and slaughtering an enemy populace from within.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what happens when my brain gets a stray thought and goes on a tangent for 5 minutes. This is not “meticulously formulating a plan”. No. This is all stream-of-consciousness, off-the-top-of-my-head insanity.

If it weren’t for the whole killing thing I’d make a great supervillain.

Posted in Teknobabble

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